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A few weeks back, I had a particularly ‘Indian’ day; a lot of noise, a lot of people and a job partially done…
Let me explain, I was working from home – which is wonderful – and the building manager waltzed in for a chat. He likes me now, as I sent him a Christmas text wishing him all the best, unlike everyone else in the compound who was whinging at him for not fixing things. So we’re pals.
He used to never answer my calls as my landlord doesn’t pay the building maintenance on time. I couldn’t even get drinking water – and that’s included in my rent.
However, now he knows I pay the landlord, it’s just that the landlord not paying the building co-op, he comes round to find out all the things that could be fixed if the landlord was paying the maintenance but aren’t being fixed because of, as they say here, ‘a shortfall in funds’. He does all this so that I can gasp for his delight ‘but that’s outrageous. why hasn’t he paid you? I’ve paid him, that’s just theft!’ And then he stands there beaming at me saying, ‘yes, it should be fixed’. Which seeing as he’s the man who should organise such things, is just plain odd.
Anyway, after he’d had one of his minions do something about the dripping in one of the bathrooms – no charge, madam – he continued to wander about saying ‘anything else need fixing, or you need help with?’ Which is of course lovely. Doesn’t for a second mean they will be fixed, but always nice to be asked. So I pipe up with, ‘well actually, see this enormous painting on wood that’s as big as a barn door? Well, I’d like it on the wall.’
And nice man that he is, he said, of course. And so a comedy of errors ensued. Three of his finest employees (which really isn’t saying much), the same brave chaps who wired up the air con with a fine combination of gaffer tape and bare cables… came round and proceeded to drill endless holes in the wall. Randomly, as far as I could gather.
For three hours.
It’s a heavy bit of wood; as you can see in the picture, that’s a large and heavy object. It takes at least two people to lift it. It ripped many bolts out of the wall before they decided to try something of a supporting baton to take some of the weight… obvious really, but there you go, no one here ever seems to want to do the obvious thing without first proving why it’s the obvious thing three or four times. It’s best to show it screwed up and only then do the sensible thing.
So, eventually I’m called downstairs – madam, please come – and am confronted with the whole thing hung rather precariously on a very battered wall at roughly speaking a 60 degree angle. Much shifting about and a ‘madam, it’s not straight, ok?’ – well, er, could it be? – hmm, novel idea – much glancing between the workers, then finally – ok.
So they pick up a corner of the picture and move it about mostly still attached and still on the wall, ‘how about this, this straight?’ and ‘how about this?’ Scraping the wall yet further and as it’s very heavy requiring two of them to haul it about to something vaguely similar to straight.
Eventually I can’t stand it anymore and go and get a spirit level. I used to be a silversmith, I have tools. Though you don’t need to be a silversmith to have a spirit level where I’m from – anyone who hangs a picture will probably have one. Not so here, the arrival of the spirit level causes much consternation or I think professional envy, as I could hear a great deal of Kannada spoken of which the only words I understood were, ‘spirit level’ and ‘madam’ – I can only assume along the lines of ‘where the hell did that come from?’ Madam. ‘No!’
So with the aid of my spirit level we all agreed what straight was, and they pulled the thing off the wall, drilled another bunch of dubious holes – there’s about 7 back there that I’ve seen, possibly more, and big chunks of plaster fallen off the walls, so I’ll have to live here forever as I’ll never get my deposit back now – and eventually I was called back downstairs to look at it again.
It is of course not actually now straight. Much, much straighter, but perhaps 86 degrees, which on something that size is really going to show.
So of course, I said ‘it’s not straight’ and we all looked at its lack of straightness and the carnage around it and the scuff marks all over the walls and the three people who have been hauling the thing on and off the wall look very tired. And frankly I’m not known for my tipping since the electrics and gaffer tape incident. So everyone was tired and covered in bits of wall and they all looked sideways at me…
…and I said…
‘Oh leave it, it’ll do’
And that’s pretty much how India works. Things are often done so badly the first time, that you’re relieved to have anything even remotely like how you expected it the second time. So you accept a job that would have been appalling if you’d seen it like that to begin with.
More annoyingly I then had to tip. I didn’t once as I said – that’s when they gaffer taped exposed wiring from the air-con running directly behind a metal curtain rail… when I complained they thought I didn’t like the colour of the tape. No, no, that’s not the problem, it’s the potentially electrified curtain rail.
It was hellish after I’d not tipped, I couldn’t get anything done around here after that. Well that and my landlords non-payment of maintenance charges. So even after rubbish work, one must tip – particularly if you’ve had three of them heaving an enormous bit of wood about for three hours. And let’s face it, hanging a picture is not exactly essential work. I gave them a handsome 100 rupees. that’s more than a days’ work in Kerala, and not bad here for their level of competence… it’s about £1.20.
They probably ruined more than that in bolts.
And I’m now stuck with a painting at 86 degrees.
Good job I’m not detail obsessed or used to working with mathematical precision with a computer… oh wait.
-:–:-
This post is one of my favourites – and is on the best of the blog page. Why not hop over and check out some more foolishness there?
Or go straight to the good stuff here:
And please do add your own tales of maintenance mayhem in the comments below. I love to know I’m not alone…
Hi Liz, I absolutely understand the pain you went through. I am originally from Bangalore and have lived abroad for quite sometime. Now that I am back I just cant stand the people’s mentality here even though I am a local! The exposure abroad has risen my expectationb so much that I am finding it hard to settle again. We were getting some work done in the house and I happened to tell the worker not to use the toilet (for obvious reasons of hygiene as I didnt feel like using it as they were messing it up and the flush wasnt working). Guess what my dad said ! If I tell workers to not do something eeven if its said politely they will purposely maliciously break the toilet to get back to you (revenge for telling him NOT to do something). Therefore now I have to sit and bear them up and not say a word just in fear of them causing damage so that they get extra pay for fixing the damage!
Thanks for your comments – it’s nice to know it’s not just me that gets this kind of thing going on…
Did you see this post on the same topic? http://www.madamletmetellyouonething.com/index.php/2012/03/wires-jammed-into-the-socket/
Hi Liz, I have definitely seen your other post too. The workers jammed those same wires in the sockets in my home too! I was horrified and stayed away from them wires in fear of getting electrified like Tom and Jerry
It’s terrifying isn’t it!
Pardon the possible insensitivity in the proceeding comments, but there really wasn’t anything else in my mind while reading the whole “scene”.
I don’t know if it comes (unknowingly) natural to you, Liz, but the everything felt like a scene from a movie or TV show (a comedy for the most part). I could see the details in the facial expressions that could’ve possibly been made by everyone involved, the actions taken, and the tone or manner by which the lines were said. This is exactly what I love about narrative reads the most — they get my imagination all worked up and moving!
The whole time I was going through your experience, I felt like I was in this film set, looking at the actors I’m working with do their scenes and figuring out the best angles to take the shot or something.
On a rather serious note, though — this is a rather different case with that live-wire plug incident you posted about. There was no “creativity/resourcefulness/uniqueness” to commend — just pure wonder (not in a good way) at the craziness of it all.
Oh, that’s really kind of you to say. Thanks! I aim to amuse. Or rather I spend my own days in a state of mild amusement (and bemusment), and aim to share. Thanks for your thoughts.
And yes, I blanche every time I see wires jammed in a plug like that – a common occurance. Shudder
“I aim to amuse”
I can definitely see that. A good combination of wit and humour never fail to amaze me. Keep them coming! ^^,
By the way, I feel rather obliged to express my obsession with that swing you have there. I’d prefer to see those next to the beach or pool, though. Just saying. ^^,
Do you mean the hammock? It’s under a huge light well – there’s a plastic roof above it – so it gets all the light and warmth of being outside, and all the beautiful sounds of the birds in the trees coming in from the window – with none of the direct burning sunlight. When your skin is a easily burnt as Irish skin, that’s a blessing.
And it is one of the many joys of my life here, to lie in that hammock at dusk and hear the final chorus of birds and insects as the sunsets – secure behind the mosquito nets so unbitten by the same insects I’m enjoying hearing. All while reading a book and rocking gently… bliss
Oh, don’t stop there. Keep going on with how nice it feels. I’m not jealous at all, so don’t mind me. *chuckle*
Nice place, though. I didn’t think you had such luxury until now. I had always assumed your neighborhood was more of noisy and crowded outside (just like what I see in the movies). I guess I in the back of my mind I also assumed you’re there for some type of immersion or something similar. But you’re not, are you?
Well yes, obviously I am immersed in Indian life because I live here, it’s my home.
But no, I’m not in anyway slumming it. I live in this ridiculously big apartment facing a palm orchard which is very quiet and peaceful. I can hear falcons and bird song all day and my house is full of light (which for someone who worked in the dark in film for 20 years is really something). Frankly it’s the nicest place I’ve ever lived, and I couldn’t even begin to afford somewhere this nice in London.
And all that and it’s in one of my favourite countries… what’s not to love?
I sort of had a different kind of “immersion” in mind. Probably got it misconstrued, though, since I have always been hearing that word paired only with religious study activities that involve exchanging lives with the “less fortunate” fellows for a certain period (I guess you can say they’re sort of charity works or something). Somehow I got to limiting the meaning of it to just that.
And blimey! My neighborhood is nowhere near as nice as that. Out here you wake up in the middle of the night to the annoying wails of fighting cats; that is if you finally get the chance to sleep through the noise made by the neighbor’s air-con, which my room had the most unfortunate chance of being next to.
Well, I guess the people around makes up for it, in a way. ^^,
yes, I live in a very quiet and quite distant suburb of Bangalore. and I specifically chose my home because it faces an empty lot of palm trees and a big bit of park land that is at the back of the old (and now unused) Hindustani Unilever… so it’s very quiet. Though of cours it is still India, so there’s dogs barking and cars beeping, just rather distantly. And crows. there are always crows in India. Ever present, rowdy and always bickering. I can hear them coming home to roost now as it’s getting dark and you can hear them all arguing with each other. I should do a post just on crows actually…
I cannot sympathize with you on the crow “problem” just yet — I have yet to see one (I’m serious). At the moment, I am intrigued by them on account of how they are depicted on movies and such. These creatures are with far more fame than I do, not that I have that much to begin with. Sigh.
When I get my own experience of nuisance from them, I’ll get in touch. ^^,
Hi there Liz! Another great article…
Hmm, seems like the work takes so long but in the end still not job well done though as long as you’re comfortable in seeing the painting that way then let it be. ^_^
And that’s sadly it… I’m not happy with it like that, but you get so ground down you just put up with it. Grrr!